I recall a very difficult conversation I had in my teaching career. It happened many years ago, but the moment is still vivid in my memory. One Spring semester I was grading a large batch of papers in my Introduction to Ethics course. One of the papers raised numerous red flags for me. It was too perfectly written. The argument was sophisticated and included a breadth of concepts far beyond what I had covered during the course. I did some digging, and sure enough, I found a nearly identical version of the paper online. I invited the student to meet with me to discuss her paper.
The conversation was emotionally fraught. The student was a week from graduation, and a failing grade on the paper meant that she was going to fail the course, putting her graduation in peril. What stands out most to me, however, is the thing that really worried her. Failing her ethics course was less consequential to her than her worries about how I might perceive her as a student. Her worry was reflected in the words she said repeatedly to me as we talked about the paper that she had plagiarized: “I just want you to know that this is not the kind of student that I am. This is not who I am.” But was she correct? Aren’t our actions, the things that we do every day, a reflection of who we are?
This conversation popped into my mind last week at the end of one of our Seussical rehearsals. Teri Wilkerson, our show choreographer, was talking to the cast, impressing upon all of us the importance of reviewing the choreography videos in order to polish our performance. She has worked with many, many college students over the years who are now performing professionally. Teri told us that she sometimes receives calls from show producers asking her about former students of her, seeking guidance as to what they are like to work with. Teri pointed out that the things that current students do when they are performing–coming to rehearsal on time, working independently to learn music, lines, and choreography, and the like–are what she draws from when speaking about the potential of students long after they have left her studio. “The things that you do,” said Teri, “are what you want to be.”
Who am I? Who do I want to be? Who we are is reflected in the things that we do. My student did not want to be perceived as a cheater, but in that moment this is what she was. Her actions were a reflection of her character. Likewise, what Teri reminded me this week is that this basic lesson in moral philosophy is also a lesson that pertains to doing theatre. The things that I do when I am on and offstage reflect the kind of performer that I am. Who do I want to be? I want to be a good actor. I want to improve as a dancer (and yes, I get to do some choreography in this show!). I want to be the sort of performer that others want to work with. All of these goals are embodied in the concrete, tangible things that I should be doing each day: reviewing lines and lyrics, working choreography until the movement of my body to the music is “in my bones,” and building up other performers for the things that they are doing that are making our show better. That is who I want to be.
It is the case that sometimes our actions reflect things about ourselves that we do not want to be true. I know this is true for me. But there is, I think, some good news. None of us our fated to be cheaters, bad dancers, or mediocre actors. Our actions, after all, are in our control. A cheater can choose different practices that over time can cultivate new habits. A bad dancer can take lessons and can work his ass off to learn choreography that others pick up more quickly, almost effortless, as it were. A mediocre actor can take classes that put him in a position to practice those skills he needs to embody the roles he hopes to play. Over time, the things that we do reshape the sort of people we are. We can change. We can grow. We can become the sort of people whom we have always wanted to be.
Argggh, this blog post is getting too preachy. What to say about where we are with Seussical? Well, we are off book for Act 1! This week we are finishing up blocking of Act 2. I’m feeling really good about this show, my third at the Paramount Theatre. This young cast has been a delight to work with, especially the very young performers. Owen Mercer (JoJo) and Owen Pinson (Young Kangaroo) are amazing! I love the opportunities that the Abilene theatre community gives young kids to grow as actors. As for me, I’ve got my lines and lyrics mostly down, and I’m practicing choreography daily. When the Paramount first announced Seussical as its summer production, I was ambivalent, but the show has really grown on me! Abilene, the “Storybook Capital of America,” really is a perfect location for this show. Meanwhile, with libretto in hand for Obsidian Theatre‘s inaugural production of The Prom, I have begun work learning my part for that show. I am so grateful for the Abilene theatre community for the hospitality I’ve experienced. This show is going to slap. Get your tickets!